LadySynesthesia

cold coffee

2006-05-02T05:19:03Z

Wouldn't it be nice to know that you can trust yesterday?
What was it...
Innocence? no i think that's a different subject. too far.
what about old friends? or maybe just people in general, don't they just tend to surprise you?
now here i've completely lost my train of thought.
amazing.
no wonder i never get to finish any of my writing.
or anything in my life...

April 24, 2006.

2006-04-24T12:46:10Z

Hello birthday boy... I've been waiting for a long distance conversation through the telephone.
But it hasn't come yet. Why haven't you called? We both know that I don't have good news or anything,
I just miss you so much. Things haven't changed since you left 7 days ago. Most of time I'm still lying in bed,
feeling so sick, sometimes I pretend I'm okay and that this nightmare will soon end.
But I know it won't. And I'm always lonely. And I can't talk to anyone. They think I'm sick and that's it.
So many friends but no one... not one of them...
I need to talk to someone. I don't know how long I could hold on, by myself.
With all my difficulties and promises I've made... it makes everything harder.
Maybe I'm weak. I feel weak. I want to throw up all the time. I cry every damn night.
I haven't opened the curtain in days... And I have to wait for you for 57 more days.
These are the days when I need you the most. And you knew that, but still you left me.
I cannot blame you. I'm not blamming you. I just wish you were here.

Reminiscence...

2006-03-16T04:06:07Z

some of my old writings... in collaboration with Joshua Isaac Stone.

Two/10.20.01
Frigid february gusts blowing right through me
Flakes of snow swirl about my head
Everything is suspended for an icy moment
And my insides declare my soul as dead

Lifeless...like the powdered ground under my feet
Frozen...like these tears turning to sleet

Sorrow & glee, self-worth & self-pity
All were emotions i used to feel
Now my world has come to an abrupt halt
And those feeling have begun to congeal

Encased...inside my deepest being
Entombed...blinding eyes from seeing

She was my light of happiness
She was a flicker of hope to my heart of doubt
The bushel is lowering over the candle of my life
Because hers was so suddenly snuffed out

Extinguished...life gone from her sparkling eyes
Dead...my torn heart bleeds...and cries

©2001 Josh & Angelique

---------------------------

Spidersilk Noose/7.29.02
sew up my wounds with your needle and thread,
then rip out the stitches to the beat of my heart.
stab me again with the words that you spit,
just cripple my soul with the axe of your tongue.
stiffle my cries with your filthy blanket of lies,
your throat is an open tomb.
For all of this, I have nothing to say
Bleeding lips with unspoken anger
carved into a crimson smile.
This is the end of the 'forever' you promised
You can leave, and wish me cold and lifeless.
steal my last breath,
I will start my second life,
the moment you knife your goodbyes
into my bloodsoaked back.
For all of this, I have nothing to show
red stained hands with painful cuts,
sown into my once unmarred flesh.
This is my reward for trusting your smile.
thank you for ripping out my eyes,
blinding me to your masterful web of deciet.
well It's over now, the hour glass is smashed
its broken and empty and your time is up
Let me erase the way I used to see you
And remember the way I see you now
Empty and hollow and drowning
in the depths of your spiteful well,
looking for anyone to blame but yourself
But I'm not going to be your rope or your ladder,
You brought down this mountain upon your shoulders
And I`ll watch as it crushes you under its weight.
And if for just one second You think you can forget
all the loving scars you`ve sliced into me,
I'll give you three hours more
To let this biting truth cut through your veins
Self mutilating those perfect eyes of yours
blink twice...and im gone.

©2002 Josh, Josiah, Angel

-----------------------------

The Love Song I Never Wrote/3.01.02
The sun returns to its twilight resting place
and I know that i should do the same.
But the last words you spoke have chased sleep from me.
I wander out into the crisp autumn air
Hoping to bring some semblance of clarity
To find the words to write

A deep-seeded chill settles into my soul
Fogging my already muddled mind
Numbing my stripped senses to the core
The right words to scrawl avoid my hand
I fear it would be easier to catch a moonbeam in a jar
Than to capture my feelings with this pen

I climb a tree to get closer to the stars tonight
I see the beauty of dark sky..I could almost touch the moon
Still they can’t move my fingers to write
I’m still holding this white paper in my hand
And when the first light of dawn burn my eyes
I still have nothing to write.

I walk through the park..sit quietly on the bench
I breathe the morning scent of blossoming flowers
Hoping somehow they could soften my frozen fingers
To write another song...a love song only for you
But the scent just passes by as the sun rises higher
Leave me with nothing to write

So I finally walk my way home with this silent wound
Knowing you would sit there in your own space
Avoiding my eyes, ignoring my cry..drown within your own world
You won’t see how much I love you..you won’t stay
Because I simply can’t give you a love song today
Another love song to make you stay

©2002 Angel & Josh

Boredom oh Boredom

2006-02-23T11:48:39Z

I am 9% Idiot.

I am not annoying at all. In fact most people come to me for advice. Of course they annoy the hell out of me. But what can I do? I am smarter than most people.

Take the
Idiot Test
@ FualiDotCom

I am 32% Asshole/Bitch.

I may think I am an asshole or a bitch, but the truth is I am a good person at heart. Yeah sure, I can have a mean streak in me, but most of the people I meet like me.

Take the
Asshole/Bitch Test
@ FualiDotCom

I am 53% Tortured Artist.

Art is significant in my life, people are scum but I have the capicity to deal with it. Give it a few more years and I will either forget about art or hate the world.

Take the
Tortured Artist Test
@ FualiDotCom

I am 52% Promiscuous.

I like sex and have a healthy sex life. I get just enough and know how to use my sexuality. Some people might have a problem, but that is their problem not mine. They just need to get more.

Take the
Promiscuous Test
@ FualiDotCom

I am 14% Geek.

I wanna be a geek. But I'm not. Why would I even want to be one. Do I think it's fun? I should try writting an online test application at 1 am in my underwear

Take the
Geek Test
@ FualiDotCom

I am 60% Evil Genius.

Evil courses through my blood. Lies and deceit motivate my evil deeds. Crushing the weaklings and idiots that do nothing but interfere in my doings.

Take the
Evil Genius Test
@ FualiDotCom

I am 47% Emo.

Hmm.. I should stop listening to Dashboard Confessional.... enough said... Now that I stopped looking at my shoes, I know how the real world looks.

Take the
Emo Test
@ FualiDotCom

for tomorrow it could only be a distant memory...

2006-02-12T03:28:59Z

short messaging service

2006-02-06T06:44:00Z

A silent metronome of raindrops/ delivering science into cold breeze at your window/ hush, let my name be only whispers upon night's shadow/ our perfect blues.

Hughes/Plath

2006-02-05T08:25:47Z

i.
a poet so poor of pain
within his soiree wine feigns
an insular atmosphere where
dismay and caterpillar
devour his smothered silence.

ii.
when have all the black and grey bled away?
when the ship night sky conveys
merely burdened by angels and stellarstars
merely bestow beauty as an entire
and leave naught other!

iii.
morning belongs to him in this day and age
daylight caresses and incinerate
such quiet resonance
and hence,
chants an echoless existence.

Copyright ©2006 Miranda Putri Angelique

[daytime. alienated]

2006-02-03T12:20:46Z

a couple of tequila shots
Faust wouldn't have dreamed experience
[my first name's Angeline/ the prettiest mess you've ever seen]
unattached from my underworld
what a pity consciousness
rummage and ramble, rambling back and forth
'as if' words should mean something
take and deny then perceive a mutual understanding
though no one ever truly comprehend
of why pigs should fly
when you can have all the fun in the mud
why seek so far and farther more for happiness
why you?
what's with that smile of yours?
you count every single character typed
into a barely blinking,
deeply asleep monitor
grey is the colour of the day
or night, depends on the convention
who have been to Greenwich except
the Greenwich-ian themselves anyway?
broken satellites sending messages
to your cellphone
"there's no life here"
"there is no life."

[i found myself talking to your ghost]

2006-02-03T12:12:39Z

i heard myself, talking, my nostrils choked me in tears
falling then falling now
barely see barely sleep
he left me with a pack of cigarettes only half full
my beautiful smoke
green yellow future but who fuckin cares now?
it's just so bad that i had to hit
[backspace]
over
[backspace]
and over
[backspace]
again...
[backspace]